My inner child laughs again
Almost exactly a year ago I entered the House Tatatonga, still a little unsure of who and what exactly to expect. Viola greeted me warmly and I felt a connection that could not be put into words, but gave me a trust that allowed me to surrender and let go in this place.
I had been doing meditation ceremonies for two years at that time. Much had been revealed, the cards were reshuffled, it shook and shook, much was stirred up, perceived and re-sorted. I knew I was on the right path. A lot of pain, a lot of sadness, but also already small pieces of healing had shown up to that point. There was no turning back. I was always carried by the feeling of being exactly on the right path. And yet I still stood in life with a great uncertainty. And at the same time with this irrepressible urge to find myself, to detach myself from old patterns and beliefs, to live and to remember again.
Viola's first words were, "You are ripe as a plum." She laughed heartily and warmly. I didn't know exactly what she was trying to tell me. Often I didn't. In retrospect, I always understood. So, from that day on, I went in and out of the House Tatatonga, my place of strength, at short intervals. In mixed groups, in sister circles, with my husband, without my husband, with acquaintances and strangers. And each gathering has its own unique quality each time.
The simple question, "How would you like to go home on Sunday?", was the key that showed me a whole new way of dreaming. Ruedi and Viola taught me to illuminate the shadows while focusing and looking at the light. The two are a perfect team, you can feel that immediately, and complement each other wonderfully in their qualities and knowledge. They could not be more different at times and yet speak the same language. Viola and Ruedi create a space in which everything has a place and I feel completely safe and in charge at all times. The pre-talks and feedback sessions are essential parts of the weekends and as a participant I get 100% attention every time I speak. The seemingly most unimportant side words are heard and exposed and with a change of perspective and many aha-moments I always go home on Sunday richly blessed.
And so, after a few weekends in the House Tatatonga, my life has taken on a completely new shape. Time after time, layers have been shed, like the skinning of a snake, and I began to feel myself again. And to feel life. Blockages have been released, dreams have emerged as big as I would never have dared to dream before. And the dreams feel more real than ever. I got back a feeling that I could no longer remember. Today I call it trust. Primal trust. Being carried, between heaven and earth. For me, one of the greatest gifts in my life and I am only beginning to feel and understand the extent of it.
I am on the way to rediscover myself and my femininity, my whole being and an ancient and wise knowledge. I feel myself and remember again. In my heart I have reconciled with many things, with big and small hurts. My inner child laughs again and my parents have found a place in my heart. A huge step for me and an incredible gift - for them and for me. Patterns have emerged and changed, allowing me to meet my children in a new way and accept myself as a mom. The children are my greatest teachers - and reflect my development to me immediately and unfiltered.
My husband and I have been through a long ordeal, which went as far as separation. Thanks to heaven and the meditation ceremonies, the loving people around us, the very quiet voice inside me, which never fell silent, and my and our courage, we are together again today and our family has found each other again. Our relationship has been reshaped by our personal development. We meet each other in a different way than before. We have grown up. We learn every day, fall into old patterns again and again, and recognize and change them, and notice when the inner children in us start a fight again. We are carried by a deep, deep love. A ground, the foundation, on which we reshape our love. We continue to go our own way and find more and more together. Next year we will celebrate our wedding. If someone had told me this a year ago, I would have thought he was crazy....
When I read my own lines like this, it sounds like something out of a fairy tale. And it is. My personal fairy tale! And I'm looking forward to all the chapters that are yet to come. I am incredibly grateful. Viola and Ruedi, for their wonderful ceremonial treatment of all participants. To myself, for having walked this path and continuing to walk it. The meditation ceremonies that make this change possible The Universe that carries us. With great, great gratitude I look back on an incredibly transformative year - and forward, with a huge curiosity and anticipation - for life!
(flowering beauty, 37 years)